The Bloggist

There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread. - Mother Teresa

Today is the day for us to choose a side, A or B. But first we need to take a look at the two sides. Side A has many benefits and here is a list once you are accepted:

• You get a red matching jacket in your size so everybody knows your side and devotion.
• You get to wear the traditional male or female Side A haircut.
• You get the protection of Side A from Side B.
• You get to attend weekly and holiday meetings with members.
• You can move up the ranks as you get older and/or complete specific tasks for your Side.
• Higher ranking members can choose who is accepted into their side.
• Higher ranking members can discipline lower ranking members for infractions.
• Everybody has the ability to move up in the ranks to President.
• You are rewarded for bringing new members to the group and making it grow.
• You will get friends for a lifetime.

Now for a list of benefits from Side B:

• You get the unconditional love of Side B.
• You can choose any side you want and still get unconditional love.
• You are free to not choose a side.
• You are free to wear whatever you want.
• You are invited to events like lunches, dinners, holidays and are free to invite anybody to your events.
• You are free to be yourself. If a member disagrees with something you are doing, they may tell you about it, but will ultimately respect your decision.
• You are free and encouraged to discover yourself.

Now for the LAWS of Side A:

• You must wear your red jacket at all times in public or you will be disciplined.
• You must wear the traditional male or female Side A haircut or you will be expelled.
• You get the protection of Side A from Side B if your rank is high enough.
• You are not protected from higher ranking Side A members.
• You are required to attend weekly meals and holiday meetings with members. Missing these will demote your ranking. Repeatedly missing these will eventually get you expelled.
• The lower your ranking, the more tasks you must perform for the higher members.
• The President sets the rules for accepting new members.
• The only way to move to a higher rank on Side A is for either a member to die, or be expelled.
• You must do whatever the President says or you will be expelled.
• You cannot associate with Side B in any way or you will be expelled.
• Many of the rules are unspoken yet must be followed or you will be disciplined. It is up to you to figure them out.
• You will get the love of Side A if you follow all of the rules.

Now the LAWS of Side B:

• You must respect each and every member for who they are, or who they are trying to become.
• Be honest with yourself and others or you will be called out on it.

It seems we are constantly being forced to choose sides which have benefits and rules that go along with them. And if this doesn’t ring a bell, here are some of those times: Religion, war, gangs, political parties, sexuality, race team, sports team, clothing brand, car manufacturer, computer OS, neighborhood, university, friends, family, and the list goes on and on. The sides tend to divide us when this world really needs us united. Can you imagine a world united instead of one fighting against each other? The purpose of many groups is to divide. And much time, energy and money is spent on defending one group from another. Sure it’s nice to find people with common interests. But when they start telling you how to live your life, and it SERVES THEM, you might ask yourself, WHY?

• Do these people love me unconditionally with all my faults and the mistakes I’ve made or will make?
• If they find out the truth about me and everything I’ve done, will they accept me?
• Do they want me to conform to fit their molds?
• Can I be myself?
• Does their LOVE have an agenda?

Once I discovered that many people’s love for me had an AGENDA, I changed the way I listened. And when I listened to people talking to me with the question, what is their AGENDA?, ringing through my mind, their intentions became transparent. And this at times was quite difficult to handle. How can this family member, or friend, have this agenda wanting me to conform to their ways, ways that serve them? That is not love, that I know in my heart.

So something you might ask yourself, am I the member of Side A somewhere in my life? And if so, why? How does it serve me? How does it serve them? What is my agenda? Who is Side B? I can tell you that my family is Side A, to a tee. And so was my Catholic religion. But now I am on Side B, not by choice, but by exclusion. it is who I am, and who I once was a long long time ago, a whole person. And as we speak, Side A is calling on the phone, but I choose not to pick it up today.

If you live just for today, to make today the most successful, happy day of your life, I am sure that you will have an extraordinary life. A successful life is nothing more than a series of successful days. - Thomas D. Willhite Quotes

“The unconscious is subterranean, the realm of the hidden and mysterious and the place where all sorts of feelings may reside, not logical, not all nice and some of them downright scary. We get some hint of the kind of things that inhabit the unconscious from our dreams. Someone said that every night when we go to sleep we all go quietly and safely insane because that’s when the remnants of childish, primitive, wild behavior that are part of everyone’s emotional repertoire can show themselves without being monitored by the waking, conscious mind.” - John Sarno, M.D., Healing Back Pain

This video made me smile and laugh. Awesome!

I heard a great new definition of what love is today from somebody I admire and respect.

Loving somebody means you care deeply enough about them to want to aid them in their spiritual development.

As far as I am concerned, this makes perfect sense to me. Those that love and respect me have done just this. And others I have problems with, well they haven’t. I guess they have a different definition of love. Their love has an agenda and It’s not unconditional. “Do this for my praise” or “you need to act this way” is what they are thinking although they would never admit it. This makes me ponder the question, do these people that don’t believe or understand my definition of love, really love me? I mean these people are my family and long time friends. Is it possible that they don’t love me? This is a tough thing to even think about. And from what I’ve learned, tough things need exploring.

I quit drinking alcohol a couple years ago becaused I realized I had a problem. Everybody I know has been told by me that I don’t drink anymore. Yet when I went to a party the other day, I was offered alcohol a couple times. And one of my good friends was telling me before the party about how they would have all kinds of good alcohol. The kinds I used to drink. Why was he telling me this? Well, he’s told me before that he thinks I don’t have a problem. The last drink I had was with him when I was having relationship problems with the wife. He didn’t try to get me to stop even though I hadn’t had a drink in a year or so. So I’ve come to the conclusion that he wants me to drink. I used to be his drinking buddy. And those times are long gone. I know he feels uncomfortable drinking around me at times.

It’s pretty odd for a so called friend, whom I’ve told that I am an alcoholic, to want me to drink. I suppose misery loves company. Drinking used to be the only way that my friends and I could express ourselves. After going sober, I relearned how to be myself naturally. Now maybe I need to have a talk with the so called friend about what he is doing.

I remember hearing this term some time ago and feeling sorry for those families. Only later did I realize that I grew up in a dysfunctional family too. And that pretty much all families are dysfunctional. So with this knowledge, and some help from loved ones, I decided to cut off all communication from my family so that I can take time to heal. After telling my family about this, I have gotten like 6 communication attempts from them trying to reel me back in. But I ignored all of this as best I could. This brings me back to the conclusion that they do not respect me or my wishes. I say leave me alone for a while and I get calls, emails and letters from them and others they know.

I had a bit of anxiety before I told them. But afterwards I felt so good. I know they don’t understand what I am doing. But sorry, they have no choice in the matter. This is my life and I am in the drivers seat.

I walked by a Christian newspaper and read something from the front page:

Verse of the Month
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised,
Proverbs 31:30

Happy Mothers Day

I kinda liked the first sentence, but then the whole fear the Lord and be praised thing lost me. Why should anybody fear the Lord? I supposed it’s easier to control people sometimes when they fear you. But does God want me to fear him like a dog fears his master? That doesn’t really make any sense to me.

This will be my 3rd blog about my and other’s spiritual journeys. This time I’ve decided to be anonymous. I find that when I am journaling, or blogging, I am growing as a person. For some time I stopped doing that and my life got really stale. But all that is changing and today I feel awesome with butterflies in my stomach!

I was really amazed how much traffic my old blog gets. I have new people registering for the site every day or two so they can get emailed my new posts. So I guess people want to hear what I have to say. And it feels good to get it out and discuss it with others seeking more. Well I gotta go, wife is home…